It's midnight and I need some support. I feel that people don't like me or at the very least don't understand me. I feel more comfortable helping others or being kind. It makes me feel stressed to tell people I am suffering. I feel sorry for them to have to hear it. I don't want to have to discuss what upset me, what worries me or my thoughts. It makes me feel different. More lonely.
I have a communication disorder so I can't tell you properly how I feel and what you can do about it. It will stress me to have to work it through with you, to explain. What if you don't get it? What if I feel worse? I know how I feel. I just can't tell you. This isolates me further.
I send an obscure message out on social media. Was it too desperate or obscure? How do other people do it? How do they innately appear to know how to seek help, comfort and manage conflict? I would rather not mention it. Too much trouble. I might be judged. People might dislike what I have to say or think I am taking up too much time.
I have to say something though. People think I am fine. That I am happy. They come with their problems. I am more than happy to listen. It takes the pressure off me. It then becomes too much, a burden. I feel unable to take my time and lean on someone. I am afraid.
Someone responds to my post. I panic. I instantly want to make it better. I tell them everything is ok. I feel calmer. It isn't ok.
I am lost.
I wonder what to do next. I look at the clock.
It is one in the morning and I need support.