There is a feeling that you get that your child is different. You just know. Even if they hit their milestones. It is something that comes from watching your child grow. From being with them every day. You just know.
Everything seems more difficult. They don't quite sleep as well. Eating is a battleground. Potty training takes forever. The health visitors and midwives tell you that children develop at different speeds. It still doesn't explain how you feel. It is reassuring but only to a point.
Sometimes it can be a tangible thing. Lining toys up or constantly stacking and carrying things, rather than playing with them in a traditional way. Not answering to their name right away. Walking on their toes. Climbing over you to get to things. Covering their ears. It is fleeting. They return to 'normal' but you just know.
Sometimes it is just a feeling. They look at other children with expectation but they don't seem to 'get' the game. They talk a little too loudly or laugh a bit too much. Their faces are very expressive or not expressive at all. They operate at their own speed. They build dens to hide in. Like, other children. Just a little bit different. Every child is different they tell you.
You point at something for them to bring to you and they can't see it. They can concentrate on some things for ages or other things for only a few seconds. They fall. Spin and dance. Feel emotions strongly. Have their own strong will. Shopping is a nightmare. Trips out are intense. You feel frazzled.
Sometimes you feel that you are imagining it. They are like other children. You remember them being born and the relief that they were well. With all their fingers and toes. Perfect. Sometimes they don't look at you. Sometimes they don't play with you. Sometimes they don't seem to be interested in you. Then the next minute, they look, they play and they are interested. Yet you have noticed and you know.
Not staying with that feeling won't change things. As time goes on their differences are more tangible. You may need to talk until you are heard. You may need to persevere until you are seen. You may need to fight until they are supported.
You know and you know you know. Talk, persevere and fight. They think you don't know but you do.